The Lord took me into a season of quietness, sincerely challenging me to search for Him with my whole heart, my whole being and my whole mind. Last year in December I was in a season of great difficulties. This was my most difficult seasons up to date. Four days I was challenged; my greatest test yet. Holy Spirit warned me ahead of time. I only realized the seriousness of the warning once I ventured through this challenge.
One Tuesday evening in November of last year (2017) we gathered to worship in Hartbeespoort. It was a warm night filled with great expectation and we were eager to see and experience what the Lord wanted to reveal about Himself. As we entered into worship, I was challenged with quieting my mind and surrendering everything inside of me, every thought and emotion, before I could enter into His glory. Immediately my body reacted, and I had a severe headache. Pieces inside of me would not surrender and bow their knees before the King of kings. Everybody around me was worshipping, entering into an atmosphere created by Holy Spirit Himself filled with absolutely Awe and Wonder. I went into repentance before I could sit under the hand of YHVH, praying and quoting scriptures to the dark parts of myself. I commanded my body to come into line with the Word of YHVH, declaring that no headache or sickness will keep me from the presence of the One whom my soul loves. The headache did not go away until the next day and got worse as the night progressed. I, nevertheless, pushed through the pain surrendering all that I was and entered into the secret place inside Abba’s heart.
Holy Spirit started to show me construction structures in the spirit. These structures were holding incomplete buildings from tumbling down. It almost looked like scaffolding, but not quite what we are used to in the physical. I could see angels building towers, buildings and other kinds of structures inside these “scaffold structures” surrounding them. The blueprints of the building were displayed on a table in front of these structures. There were things that look like tools that you would use on a building site, like bricks and mortar and other building materials that I cannot explain. Holy Spirit said to me that these scaffolding structures are set in place until the building is complete. If we were to remove the structures beforehand, the building will collapse. I even saw some buildings that was completed, but still had scaffolding surrounding it and back-propping supporting it. I heard the voice of my Father saying: “I will always keep you upright, but you must always lean on, rely on and trust in Me completely. I will never let you fall. I will never leave nor forsake you; I would not even loosen My grip upon you.”
As I looked down at my feet, I saw that I was standing on a large old map. The map was much bigger than me. I was standing on the tip of South Africa. I heard my Father say to me to take a step forward. I closed my eyes and took a step forward in faith; it felt like the whole map was illuminated by bright colours shining on it. When I was about to set my foot down in front of me, it felt like the map shrunk in size, and I grew larger. “Take another step”, my Father said. As I took another step, I could feel how I was growing in size. As I opened my eyes, I saw 4 feet. I recognise the feet of my Saviour standing next to me. Our feet were covering the whole and complete continent of Africa. Instantly I was of normal size again, standing on the large old map and placed right in the centre of Africa. It didn’t feel like the continent of Africa was swallowing me up or over shadowing me. Suddenly a bright light, radiant and full of life, shined from the heavens and as it reached me, where I stood on the map in the centre of Africa, it felt like I changed into something that looked like a spiritual gate and Africa stepped into this gate.
Then I was back on the building site with those scaffolding structures surrounding me. The scaffolding changed into the hands of Abba and then changed again into steel beams. “I will keep you upright as long as you are in Me and I AM in you. As long as I AM in you and you are in Me, the enemy will never be able to destroy that which I AM building. Even if the enemy comes in like a flood and try to destroy the destiny I have given you, he will not succeed because I will keep you upright.” Suddenly, the scaffolding around me collapsed, and the whole structure fell into itself. Immediately next to it, new scaffolding was erected, and the new structure was being built, but the structure was smaller in size and not completed. I could see the steel beams changing into the hands of my Saviour. His hands were not smooth but full of scars and white pure light was shining from it. “I want to show you, My love, that the enemy will never be able to knock you completely down, even if it feels that way to you. I came to build the Kingdom of My Father here on earth as it is in heaven, through empty surrendered vessels of honour at service unto the King. I AM coming for a body that will accept Me as their Head. I will come for a bride in love with Me and she will love Me with all that she has. She will worship Me in spirit and in truth and fighting the good fight of faith, not forsaking Me and laying down her life as I have laid down My life so that My Father can be glorified. I will be made known to all, on the earth and in the spirit. I will never let you go, but let Me show you what will happen if I AM not found in you and you are not found in Me.” Yeshua removed His hands that were holding me upright and the scaffolding collapsed into itself and so did the building. There was nothing holding me up anymore and I literally fell to the ground. Yeshua spoke to me in a soft voice saying to me as I was laying on the ground: “I love you, even from this place I will come and take you into Myself, for the enemy has lost all its power over those who constantly seek Me and love Me.”
It was literally a week after this that the Lord started to test me. He removed all the familiar paths to Him. I went through a four day challenged with brokenness that I never experienced before. It literally felt to me as if I could not find my Father, my Saviour, the One whom my soul loves, my King, my Friend, my Teacher, my Comforter. It felt as if I was forsaken. I could not feel the love of my Father or the gentle voice of my Shepherd. I did not understand anything that I read in the Bible, for it was not the Living Word to me at that time. I cried out to the name of Yeshua to save me, but for four days there was no relief. It was utterly dark and I could not see the Light shining at my feet, showing me where to go. It felt like I was lost and destined to be removed from the courts of my Father. I longed for His gentle arms to embrace me, for His firm voice to comfort me. It felt as if my Father’s heart was nowhere to be found. My beloved Yeshua did not take my hand once during those four days. We did not meet in our secret place for I could not find it. I cried, for my soul felt so lost and it felt as if salvation was not mine anymore. It became my belief that I knew the King once, but now, I am destined for darkness. It was literally hell for me not to feel, hear or see my beloved Yeshua or experience my Abba. Holy Spirit did not communicate to me during those four days. My soul started to lose its anchor of hope. The familiar Words that once was alive to me, had no more life in them. The Living Word that has always been food for my spirit and soul was now a bitter pill to swallow. The Spirit of Understanding and Revelation left me. I could not seek there counsel anymore.
Those closest to me went into prayer on my behalf. The Lord gave Scripture to my mother revealing to her that, like Job, my spirit will return after three days, and I will be healed. Job 33:28-30: “God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.” God allows all these things — twice, even three times — to turn one back from the pit, so that the light of life may shine on them.”
After this experience I had to go into deep healing, confronting my past and wounds much deeper than ever before. A very dear friend of mine helped me to pray through the lies of the enemy that he whispered in my ear. The Fire of testing was upon me for a long period of time. I did not understand why I had to go through those four days of absolute darkness and loneliness. About 2 weeks after this, Holy Spirit gave me the verse: “Simon, Simon (Peter), listen! Satan has demanded permission to sift [all of] you like grain; but I have prayed [especially] for you [Peter], that your faith [and confidence in Me] may not fail; and you, once you have turned back again [to Me], strengthen and support your brothers [in the faith].” – Luke 22:31-32
I understood what YHVH was saying to me. It was a test. My time came when Satan demanded permission to sift me like grain. My faith was tested… would I deny Yeshua?; would I betray my beliefs and King?; would I give up and walk away from that which He has called me to do. I could not once in those four days of darkness say that I did not believe in Yeshua, even though it felt as if His embrace escaped me. I did not deny my Saviour or His existence. I did not curse His name or dishonoured Him. I kept on believing in Him even if it felt like I was removed from Him. I knew in that moment that Yeshua kept on interceding for me and never left my side, no matter what I experienced. His plans for us are always to let us prosper and not to harm us. If we believe in Him, He will make all things to work for good. My soul had so much hope in that moment and I started to rejoice in my affliction. Slowly I worked through the pain. My constant prayer was that all would be restored.
After a few weeks Holy Spirit showed me a tree. The tree was young and freshly planted in soil full of nutrients and constantly watered. Winds came and the little tree bended under the pressure of the winds. Some of its branches broke of and when the wind calmed down, no leaves were left on the tree. The dead branches fell off after time and new leaves began to grow. This tree was still receiving water, and the dead leaves and branches became compost to the tree. Year by year the tree grew. A severe storm came that lasted for days and the wind blew so strong that the tree bended under the winds breathe and almost broke. Some of the roots of the tree were exposed as it was lifted out of the ground. When the storm was over it seemed like this tree could not survive, but the roots of the tree went deeper into the soil. The tree allowed the gentle breeze of the summer wind to blow through its branches and that straightened it. New branches and leaves came out and budding pink flowers was visible, and the broken part healed. Over time small fruit were visible. Once the fruit ripened and fell to the ground, the roots were nourished, and the roots even grew deeper into the ground and the tree became stronger. One day a mighty storm came and blew through the branches of the tree. It grew flexible over time and bended without braking under the force of this storm. The trees bark was strong enough to withstand the hailstones. The roots of the tree were so deeply anchored into the ground that even the strongest wind did not move it. It held its ground during this mighty storm. No branches broke this time. When this storm passed its leaves were greener than before and when it started to yield its fruit, it was full off sweet juice. In front of my eyes I saw this tree was turning into me. I could see my leaves and fruit. My roots were so deeply anchored. My feet were planted upon the Rock of I AM, and my foundation was firmly built upon the Corner Stone of Yeshua. I looked down at the Rock, and out of the Rock came Words that went up into my roots. The Words moved to the leaves and fruits, it became golden oil and had the most beautiful sound. The leaves began to sing, and the fruit burst open and some seeds fell to the ground. Other seeds were swept away by a gentle breeze and blew where the wind took it. I heard a voice coming out of the warm gentle wind saying: “Deep cries out to deep. This season of your life you have been taught that the deepest part of you will always call out to go deeper into Yeshua. Only in Him is life and life in abundance. Only in the deepest part of Him will you find life that will overflow. You are anchored so deep, My dear one, that the storms cannot blow you over anymore. From your darkest moments will come your deepest praise. On this rock can I build, and from this tree can I eat. In your suffering can I partake and, in My glory, shall you arise. All that you had gone through and will go through is for preparation for what is to come. If you want to partake in My glory then you must partake in My suffering and die, so that Resurrection power can flow through you and I can become more. Only the decree of Me in you, will enable you to give to those around you. I will always keep on preparing you for what is to come.”
Little did I know that all of this was as preparation for the Outreach to Malawi that we are getting ready for.
Shama Shalom
Marikha and family
